Unrequited
by Mirune Keishiko
Summary: Megumi's thoughts on a certain hopelessly unattainable rurouni. [oneshot]


UNREQUITED  
by Mirune Keishiko  
  
  
  
When I walk in the streets men turn their heads to  
watch me go by. Out of the corner of my eye I can see  
the appreciative looks on their faces, the smiles and  
even the leers. Even when I'm wearing a shapeless  
doctor's smock over my kimono, my figure can be  
discerned - and it's definitely nothing to shake a  
stick at, if I may say so myself. Sometimes when I go  
to restaurants and taverns I have to request a  
secluded seat in order to discourage interested, and  
occasionally drunken, parties from paying a visit  
while I eat.  
  
But what does all this matter, when the one man I care  
for, the one man I want with all my heart, won't even  
give me a second glance?  
  
Some nights sleep never comes to claim me, and my mind  
is full of him. His gentle smile. His excessively  
polite manners. His soft voice seemingly incapable of  
saying anything hurtful or mean. His long hair the  
beautiful color of fire, messily tied back with thick  
locks tumbling all over his face. The friendship and  
respect that knows no boundaries, but extends  
willingly to anyone and everyone, even to an opium  
woman.  
  
And his eyes... those glistening eyes, so full of  
kindness and understanding and wisdom. At first glance  
one would be tempted to describe them as innocent  
eyes, wide and bright, almost like a child's. But,  
deeper within those depths, shadows lurk. He is not so  
unfamiliar with the world as he might seem. His  
beautiful eyes encapsulate the troubled, imperfect  
life he has led: the grief and guilt of years past,  
memories both sweet and bitter, the remembrance of  
blood, of tears, of darkness. And over all of this,  
like a healing salve spread over a festering wound,  
acceptance and acknowledgement. This man with the  
violet eyes has made peace with himself, between the  
two sides of him that constantly war.  
  
It was his eyes that caught me, the first time I saw  
him, leaping desperately into that gambling hall while  
Takeda's boors were chasing me. The moment I found  
those two questioning, honest eyes upon me, I knew I  
had found a savior.  
  
He has saved me, yes. Led me to a new life, led me to  
forgive myself and to carry on, no longer poisoning  
people, but healing and helping them. But sometimes I  
find myself wondering if he has saved me only for me  
to lose myself once again. New friends abound, but  
what of love? What of the empty, sleepless, lonely  
nights, longing for someone else's warmth, his touch,  
his embrace?  
  
He looks at me with his amethyst eyes the way he looks  
at any friend of his. I am glad to be his friend.  
  
But, somehow... I wish we could be more.  
  
But all he thinks about is Kaoru. That little  
fresh-faced suburbian girl. Kaoru-dono this,  
Kaoru-dono that. His own little source of happiness,  
his heart's beloved, the sunshine in his life; his  
friend since the beginning, before all of us others  
came on the scene. Sometimes I can't help but wonder,  
what does he see in her?  
  
She has a pretty face, I'll grant her that. Those big  
blue eyes and bright smile are alluring enough. But  
frankly, beyond all that, I don't see how he has come  
to fall for her so badly. I'll admit, I'm enormously  
biased on account of jealousy. But isn't he ever  
turned off or at least irritated when her cooking  
flops again, when she punches him, when she bosses him  
around, when she screams at him, "Kenshin no baka!"  
  
She is hot-tempered and innocent, she giggles like a  
child. Sometimes she can be incredibly dense,  
especially when it comes to him. When he left us for  
Kyoto that time with Shishio she just slipped into a  
depression. She didn't even think to do something  
useful and smart, like follow him and make sure he  
didn't get hurt. And, yes, finally I was the one who  
stopped by the dojo to talk sense into her head. I  
couldn't stand to think of him risking his life to  
stop Shishio - whether he risked his actual life or he  
risked his life as a peaceful vagabond by reverting to  
Battousai - while she lay blubbering uselessly in her  
futon, staring at the wall...  
  
..But I can't hate her. As jealous as I get of the  
special, unique bond between the two of them, I can't  
hate her, any more than I could ever hate him. Despite  
myself I have an answer for every objection the little  
green demon on my shoulder can raise.  
  
Yes, she can be unbelievably stupid, but love turns  
all of us into fools, I suppose. Her cooking would  
turn away rats and she certainly isn't entirely  
charming at times, with a habit of whacking annoyances  
over the head with that bokutou of hers. But she's  
generous and kind and cheerful, possessing a great  
strength that isn't immediately obvious but that comes  
to the fore when needed, and then you'll only be  
amazed. She's soft-hearted, caring, courageous, noble.  
And she is absolutely, totally, truly in love with  
Ken-san.  
  
And how can you hate someone with such good judgement?  
  
Even as I tease her mercilessly and flirt constantly  
with him, she never harbors a grudge or hardens  
herself against me. Admittedly, she doesn't exactly  
welcome me with open arms whenever I make an  
appearance, but she doesn't hustle me out of the way  
either. I generally don't like to admit it, but I do  
owe her a great deal. When I first met their group,  
she let me stay in her dojo and join them in their  
daily lives. To someone like me who has always longed  
for a place to stay and people to belong to, this  
meant a lot.  
  
If nothing else, I owe Kaoru. My new life, my new  
happiness... all of it is in part duly credited to  
her. I can't turn my back on someone who has been so  
much to me.  
  
And, of course... Ken-san loves her. That annoyingly  
gorgeous, infuriatingly endearing, innocently  
charming, short, well-muscled, handsome rurouni is in  
love with her. She holds his heart in her slender  
hands. They are calloused from wielding her bokutou,  
but for Ken-san they are the sweetest, softest,  
prettiest hands he has ever known. She is his entire  
happiness, his entire life; if anything were to happen  
to her - Kami-sama forbid - he would simply shatter.  
  
And I could never bear for my Ken-san to break.  
  
  
  
..It's just too bad she can't even make proper ohagi.  
And he likes mine so much... Ohh-hohohohoho!  
  
  
  
--owari--  
  
  
notes: Some RKphiles are pushing the idea of a romance  
between Sanosuke and Megumi, up to and including  
myself. Before you start going "Hey wait a minute, in  
that case....?!", I'll explain that while I *am*  
concentrating on getting the kitsune-onna and the  
toriatama in each other's arms, I still firmly believe  
that Megumi loves Ken-san. It's one of those  
"unrequited love" things (hence the title -- also,  
shamelessly stolen from an X-Files episode) (something  
I personally can sympathize. *ruefully* Oro ro...).  
Just look at how Megumi behaves in episode #32! It's  
just that since she realizes there's no hope of  
tearing apart Kenshin and Kaoru, she'll notice  
Sanosuke's feelings for her, and realize her own for  
the roosterhead as well... Something I'll probably put  
in a future fic. Tee hee... well, enough babbling from  
me. I'd love to hear something a lot more coherent  
from you! C&C kudasai!  
  
disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin belongs entirely to  
Nobuhiro Watsuki-sama, to Shueisha, Fuji TV, and Sony  
Entertainment. No money is being made here. On the  
other hand, *you* loaded people oughtta get poor  
Kenshin some new clothes!!! (And Kaoru'd look good in  
one of those off-the-shoulder kimonos too...)

Some KFFDISC subscribers pointed out that the focus in this piece was busted--as one put it, the first half Megumi talks about Kenshin and the second half about Kaoru. Reading it over again I can't help but agree. Things really are much clearer in hindsight. ^.^; 


End file.
